The issue of friendships turning into some kind of erotic and/or sexual relationships has certainly been discussed by many people from varying angles. Is it possible to live up to your goals as a feminist and activist any longer as soon as a relationship develops? Or, to start with, what kind of relationship do you actually want to live? Is it rather the traditional mono-amorous couple or an open relationship which gives you greater autonomy about how to fulfill your desires? Or do you have concrete visions of forming a completely nontraditional family that tries to abolish standard social role-stereotypes?
Well, thinking and reading about all these things is a nice way to start and to open your mind about the possibilities of life and how it could look like. But being confronted with the actual situation then turns out completely different and challenges just everything! Nothing of what you have made up in your head from how to behave to what so say makes any sense as soon as you’re confronted with a real person articulating their own desires and wishes.
So how do you react when you have this one friend who became very, very special to you? With whom you have shared your inner feelings about nearly anything you can think of, not only your feelings towards other friends and people, your thoughts about live, sex, and relationships in general, but also about your own little utopias? And you suddenly realize that this person starts using up so much more space in your brain, occupying nearly every thought you have? How close can it become – is there a limit?
What if the only limit that has always existed between the two of you – one that forbade bodily interactions – suddenly vanishes? When now you feel like you’re in the middle of a gigantic spiral, being shaken from one side to the other with increasing speed and the only one to hold onto is your friend, being swung around like you? Your visions, your utopias, your constructions are coming down and everything is just scattered. A heart, a mind, a body in chaos.